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astillrose
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Name: Abbey
Birthday: 7/17/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: following God's plan for my life. writing.running (not away, though i've contemplated....) .playing guitar.coffee.art (especially Marc Verbruggen).shopping. all music( maybe, i'll have to get back to you on some).my friends.my family.soccer.swimming.PURPLE FLOWERS . The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (it's a band, check them out)
Expertise: pizza and Starbucks (duh, who isn't ??)
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  astillrose
Member Since:
7/20/2005
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| About a year and a half ago a friend gave me the cd; Closer to the Burning by Stephen Roach. Immediately I fell in love with the first song on the cd (Beloved) that deals with Song of Solomon. For many reasons I've always struggled with the fact that my God is so enthralled by me, no matter how much I love Him.
Yet, again, tonight He has expressed His love. I was sitting with my computer (on facebook, of course) I hadn't been playing any music in fact, I thought the sound was turned off. However, when I clicked on another Invisible Children video, Beloved started playing. I was like " wow that's cool that this song would be used" but then I realized that it wasn't being used. Somehow itunes had started and that's what song played.
All I could do was sit there and think about the love that my God has for me- to answer prayers. I mean seriously, I'm going to Uganda this summer! This is something I've wanted for 4 years and here it is. But honestly up until this point it still felt so surreal, like it was just a dream and hope like so many times before. As I sat listening tonight I let it all wash over me. Because while you may or may not know this I am a master at faking the smile, like so many others.
Don't get me wrong- when you ask me if I'm excited for the trip and I say yes, I am being completely, wholeheartedly honest. There is so much to look forward to that there aren't words to describe it all. But if you want honesty, or more honesty than I've been giving you, here it is,
I'm scared.
That's it. I'm going to a war-torn country, at 18 years old, without parents, doing what God has called on my life and I'm scared. I've been too proud to admit it but I know that it's okay to be scared. I guess the weird part is the things that I'm scared of.
I'm scared of not raising enough money.
I'm scared of walking away from my family.
I'm scared of looking at people who have experienced more in their lives than I could ever imagine.
I'm scared of falling in love with a country and it's people halfway around the world. I'm scared of crying.
I'm scared of being scared.
I'm scared of trying to get through 3 more years of school after this.
I'm scared of what God is going to show me on this trip.I'm scared of making future plans.
I'm scared of not coming home.
I'm scared of coming home.
There you go. You don't have to read it, but I had to write it, I had to see it. If you did read this far please know that I'm not doubting God or His plans for me. I'm trying to conquer those humans fears that wish to hold me back. But I know that I am His Beloved, and that is all I need. So here goes. . .
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| I thought I knew what I wanted, maybe I'm just scared to go for it 100%
It's never been a problem before but for some reason these situations make me cautious
help | | |
| my heart: it never works, whatever it is i'm trying to do. and now i just don't know the next step? But here's what i figured out for now
Tonight-Kate Walsh
You don't know about me
And you don't care what affair still haunts me
And you don't know what it is about me
And I don't care, I don't care if you love me
Tonight we'll be whoever we like
Tonight we'll leave our troubles behind
Tonight in each other we'll hide
Tonight will be alright...
And I don't know about you
And I don't care about the girl behind you
And I don't know what it is about you
It makes me want to run and jump inside you
Tonight in each other we'll hide
Tonight we'll leave our troubles behind
Tonight we'll be whoever we like
Tonight, tonight will be alright...
You don't understand why my heart feels bad
From the love you hold out in your hand
And you offer it without command
I just don't know why I can't get you inside,
Why I need you tonight...
Cause you don't know about me,
And you don't care how this affair will break me.
And why should I care about you, if you don't care,
You don't care that i love you?
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| My thoughts for the last few days, no last few months, no scratch that! my thought for the last few years has been the same...
I hate the one I love
for those who know what i'm talking about- embrace it, do with it what you will but for now, I refuse to give up! | | |
| everybody is just a stranger,but that's the danger in going my own way | | |
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